Reaching For Life – By Turning Down The Volume on Toxic Shame

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As a psychotherapist who has been in the field for almost 3 decades, I’ve come to believe that the biggest stumbling block you face, in terms of feeling more peace, joy and contentment, is your relentless negative self-talk. It’s the voice inside your head that is constantly watching for you to not know how to do something, want help with something, feel sad about something – and then it attacks, with a vengeance.  It says things like, “There you go again, sounding stupid”, “You should know better”, “What the hell is wrong with you” or, sadly, “What’s the point in living”.  

Now, it may come as a surprise to some of you to know that 

a) this voice is not you; and/or 

b) you can turn down the volume on this attack.  

Each person has their own unique history and story, so each case varies accordingly. Most often, this voice is an inherited, internalized repeating diatribe of things that were said to you or ways you were treated, that left you believing you were flawed. It’s toxic shame that keeps you small – hidden away rather than moving towards all you can be. It is crucial to bring this voice into your conscious awareness so you can decide to be different with yourself – more loving, more forgiving.

Here is a story of a colleague of mine who did just that.  His story is so powerful, I feel compelled to share it with as many people as possible.  I’m so glad he didn’t succumb to his negative self-talk because he is truly a gifted individual who is helping so many others. 

Once you read his story, share what your related to, what parts resonated with your own inner dialogue.  Or, maybe you’ve triumphed over inherited negativity and shame and can tell us how your life is different as a result.

Until next time, I encourage you to be your best self – today and always.