More than 70,000 divorce cases are filed in Canada every year, a third of them involving first-time couples. Loss of intimacy is cited as a leading cause. Meanwhile, more than two-thirds of women initiate divorce.
There’s a lot of talk over the Internet about how to save a relationship that’s on the rocks. However, a study states that struggling couples need only two things: kindness and generosity.
The Gottman Institute in Seattle identified these key factors after studying the vital signs of couples who were asked about their relationship’s health twice—once six years ago, and again more recently. Dr. John Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute and renowned marriage expert, tells reporters:
“There’s a habit of mind that the “Masters” have, which is this: they are scanning the social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. “Disasters” are those who are scanning the social environment for their partners’ mistakes.”
A thin line divides kindness and generosity.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, to be “kind” is to show “a friendly, generous, and considerate nature.” Meanwhile, to be “generous” is to be prepared to “give more of something” than expected.
The distinction? Generosity is an act of kindness. Many believe that there are plenty of other ways to be kind, other than giving money or time out of willingness.
Saving a Marriage
If your reason for seeking divorce is a loss of intimacy, that’s something you can address through couples counselling in Vancouver. There may, after all, be plenty of other issues that interfere with how you and your partner are able to show love and affection. You may be surprised to learn that many of the difficulties can be addressed and healed.
Also keep in mind that the emotional upheavals during divorce don’t end with a court verdict. Estranged couples often spend years trying to cope, even if they appear fine. In addition, divorce can be costly. As such, it may not be wise to rush such a decision. Instead, seek the help of Vancouver counselling experts from a place like The Good Life Therapy Centre to ease the pain and prevent a premature divorce.
(Source: “Relationships Last When Both Partners Have These 2 Traits,” Headlines & Global News, November 11, 2014)